At a certain age our daughters go from being a total sweetheart to a full-blown monster seemingly overnight. Children really are growing up faster than ever and, as a parent, the upheaval can be overwhelming to say the least. Here are a few tips and suggestions for surviving this transition as we all search for the secret to parenting a pre-teen girl.

This post is for entertainment purposes. I am not a professional anything and I don’t claim to be. This post is meant to be funny and lighthearted. If you happen to gain any knowledge that you may apply to your own parenting repertoire – great. I am sharing my own personal opinion, perspective, views, and experiences.

Don’t feel rejected by their newfound independence

This means you’ve done your job as a parent! For a pre-teen child, independence is all about trying new things, making their own decisions, and taking on more responsibility for themselves. Independence is an essential part of growing up and as hard as it is for a parent to let their baby grow up and stand on their own two feet – we have to let them. But with independence comes a rude awakening as well.

Kids need to make their own mistakes and learn from their errors in judgement. As much as we hate seeing our girls’ feelings hurt by a friend or peer, it’s important to improve their self-esteem with these uncomfortable situations.

Once kids reach a certain age they need to understand that not everything is going to be done for them and that they need to do things for themselves and contribute to the household a bit. Getting big kids involved in small tasks, like laundry or dishes, may even bring on a healthy work ethic. Maybe!

Related Post: Tips for Getting Along with Your Tween Daughter

Give them their space

How many nights a week does your pre-teen actually eat dinner with the family? If you said zero than we need to be friends! Congratulations! Your kid doesn’t want to hang with you anymore! Kidding! Kind of.

It’s natural for pre-teen kids to want more privacy and keep to themselves while they’re in the process of trying to figure out who the fuck they are. Your kids is experiencing new and different emotions and ideas and they may become a little more secretive.

It is important to check in with your kids though and see how they’re doing, what they’re feeling, and if there is anything they want to talk about. Be prepared for more closed doors as well! We’ve established a “no closed door with friends” rule for monitoring purposes. But a girl needs her privacy at times and we respect that.

Talk … about everything

Story time. A couple of months ago, my then ten year-old daughter and I had a fairly detailed conversation about blow jobs at the dinner table. Mortified does not even begin to describe what was going through this mothers mind at the time. But if kids are talking about oral sex, the multitude of sexual orientations, kissing, and the like – than that’s what parents should be discussing as well.

Start the conversation. Or let them start. Whether it’s pubic hair, shaving their legs for the first time, or discussing what their period may feel like – never be afraid to talk about it. Kids are so embarrassed about topics surrounding puberty and as a mother I don’t want my daughter believing that anything surrounding this subject matter is dirty or taboo in any way.

Don’t limit the conversations to only be about sex or puberty though. Talk about friendships, school subjects, what they’re watching on Youtube, how they’re feeling, and even anything that you (yes, the parents) may be doing that they don’t like.

Reserve judgement

Touching back on a pre-teen being more independent and making their own decisions – a parent should, in turn, not be too judgey about their child’s mistakes. Instead praise their efforts and talk about what to do next time in order to succeed.

Parents have to have a little trust in their own kids, as well as their decisions. As much as a parent wants to interfere with their daughter’s choices on who to be associated with or that black is the only colour she wants to wear – as long as it’s a safe situation, let them do it. In the end, all a parent can do is show their child a different perspective.

Stay connected

Setting aside time to do something fun with your pre-teen or teen girl is a great way to stay connected. Developing routines as a family is important to start when kids are young. But often when a child gets older, family routines fall by the wayside and it’s every man or woman for themselves. Take a walk after dinner, sit together while you scroll social media, or take a day off work and school to go shopping together.

Most kids between the ages of 9 and 12 are on devices and may have access to social media. We all know screen time is bad, blah, blah, blah. But kids these days are living in a whole new generation and this generation is online! During the lockdown, chatting and playing games online was our children’s only method of social interaction.

But talk about the risks and danger on the internet, browse your child’s socials for any inappropriate posts, set limits on chat rooms and tell them to never EVER share personal information. But shielding kids from the internet, personally, may be more damaging down the road.

Pre-teen attitude getting a little excessive? Here are a few tips for nipping that behavior in the bud!

• Don’t over-react. Keep your tone in check and if you’re stressed then wait for calmer waters to address the issue.
• Stick with natural consequences. If you’re battling with your ten year-old about what time to go to bed – just let them stay up. They’ll learn the hard way and be dragging ass the next day.
• Remember that you are their parent and not their friend. Your pre-teen will hate you some days and that’s okay.
• Pick your battles. As a parent, you really have to let some shit go and not nit-pick certain behaviours.
• Give what you get. Respect is deserved when it is given – for all parties involved.

Try to avoid the following parenting woes: Trying to control everything about your kid’s life and forcing your child in the direction you want to see them go. Being fearful of failure can effect both a parent and a child, but we’re all learning as we go. Keep your connection strong and remember – it’s not all about you, Mom (or Dad)!

So, what is the secret to parenting a pre-teen girl?

The truth is – there isn’t one! As parents, we’re all just taking this lifetime role one day at a time and making up shit as we go.