Every stage of a child’s development has it’s own challenges and it’s the teenage years that most parents dread. But that is not always the case. Surprise! The “teenage years” may be creeping up a little sooner than expected – in your nine year-old daughter! Read on for a few tips for getting along with your tween daughter.

Realize that kids are not remaining kids as long as they used to.

With access to internet, television, and social media kids are being subjected to content that they may not be ready to digest – let alone comprehend. Girls and boys are testing boundaries based on what they may be seeing online and what they may be experiencing at school.

Setting screen time limits and restricting what our children can and cannot view online may help shield them a little. But not entirely. Being conservative with our kids permissions regarding movies, apps, and social platforms may prolong their innocence a little bit longer, but they may still be subjected to inappropriate content through family members and peers.

Control is what our kids seek.

Kids want to start making their own decisions instead of mom and dad deciding for them. Mind you, these may not be small solutions and compromises. We’re talking matters such as relationships, peer pressure, sexuality, body confidence, and even drugs and alcohol.

As a person who struggles with control – I find NOT intervening with my daughter’s affairs to be really difficult. Even though our daughter comes home from school upset that someone called her fat and some boy grabbed her ass – we let our daughter make the decision whether or not to play with this mean friend and if that boy deserves a kick in the nuts. Regarding serious matters – of course we would step in – but the day to day bullshit has to be her choice how it’s handled.

The human brain is not fully developed until the age of 25??!

Wow! That kind of explains all the dumb shit I did in my late teens and early twenties! Ahem, in all seriousness, the part of the brain responsible for logical reasoning, critical thinking, discipline and planning for the future is not fully developed until the age of 25.

Kids in and around the tween to teen age typically don’t have much of a verbal (or emotional) filter. To be honest, they may not quite be fully wired – developmentally – to conduct a rational and logical conversation or argument. Hence the reason tweenage kids may lash out, get really sassy, and tend to react in a more sensitive manner.

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What can we, as parents, do to help? Simply – be there. Be a shoulder to cry on and be open and honest in your conversations. Keep your snide comments and “I told you so” looks to yourselves. Maybe try out these other tips for getting along with your tween daughter.

Let some of the BS slide.

Pouncing on every little bitchy remark and bad mood may make for a really tense and uncomfortable household. Perhaps address the behavior if the inappropriate demeanor continues over a longer length of time. Also, come up with a few reasonable – but effective – consequences for their actions. Maybe they lose their devices for a day, have a few extra chores for complete for the week, or lose a beloved privilege for a certain amount of time.

Take advantage of teachable moments.

When an occasion occurs when a specific action or attitude can be reflected upon – use it! If, during a get together with a friend, you catch your child speaking tastelessly to their peer – call them on it. Perhaps not in that exact moment, but relatively soon afterward. Calling a child out on their garbage mood or mindset – and how it may hurt another’s feelings – can help a child relate to how their behavior can negatively effect others.

Wait for calmer waters before engaging.

Losing your shit on a child (no matter their age) while they are misbehaving may not be very effective. Instead, maybe try waiting for their tantrum to ease – as well as your rage!! Pausing for a bit in order to regain composure may be best for all involved. Even though it may be extremely difficult, sometimes the best thing a parent can do in certain situations, is to do nothing at all.

In closing, every child is going to test their parents at any and every age! The important thing is to be their parent, guide them through the tough and confusing tween and teen years, and be a respectful role model. Feel free to share any personal tips for getting along with your tween daughter in the comments below.

We’re all in the parenting boat together!