In order for children to understand death, we as parents must not be afraid to tell them like it is.
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My Aunt recently passed away from a lengthy illness. Even though my daughter didn’t know her that well, I still wanted her to attend the visitation with me.
This is the first death of a relative in my daughters short life (with the exception of our cat) and I wasn’t certain how she would react.
I actually did a little research on how to explain the death of a loved one to a child and came across some sound advice.
I came across an article in Buzzfeed with Jill Macfarlane, developement director and child life specialist at The Sharing Place. She shares the following information.
Even though your loved one looks like their sleeping, they’re not.
Telling a child that a person or pet is asleep may seem like an innocent explanation, but this may cause them even more grief. Kids can have a very vivid imagination and this explanation may cause sleep issues of their own; even to the point of fear.
According to Macfarlane, it is also crucial to be honest about the cause of death.
In my Aunt’s case, she had suffered from multiple cancers and her body just grew tired and stopped working. Even though the details don’t need to be shared, a person lost to an accident or crime should be shared as well.
In this same article, Macfarlane also details how she and her group of councillors explains a certain type of deaths. For example, if some dies of a heart attack, they explain that a person’s heart stopped working.
Even though it’s important to explain death to children, since it is a natural part of life, take their cues and don’t push the subject.
If they have questions, they will ask when they are ready.
You can read the whole article here. There is some good information for parents.
My daughter witnessed a good deal of emotion on this day and asked if she was supposed to cry as others, including myself, were. I said that it’s ok to cry and it’s ok not to cry as well.
Each person deals with grief in different ways.
She did very well, though she did not want to be up close to the casket. There was a bit of fear shown in her, but she let me know her limits and I didn’t push her past her comfort zone.
Ultimately, I’m proud of how brave and mature our girl was at her first memorial. Having other family members around her certainly helped her cope.
Even though she didn’t know my Aunt all that well, this experience will hopefully help her cope in the future. Our parents, unfortunately, will not be around forever and their loss will be much more difficult for my daughter.
Death is a natural part of life and I don’t want to tip-toe around the fact that we are all going to die at some point.
Hiding this part of life may not be good for kids, so don’t be afraid to prepare them for the inevitable.
Have the conversation. Our children are stronger than we think.
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